The Mind Of Disturbance (in poetry form)

...love...

2005-06-25T09:41:00.000-07:00

we hide, each in our own sweet darkness.
does the other see?
unable and unwilling to break free?
watching the wind,
i forgot to ride the rough.
too wrapped up in words
and the brilliance of your smile.

...falling, but not fallen...

2005-06-25T09:33:00.000-07:00

she tripped... and she fell.
stumbling on her way to the top.
she laid there for a while,
thinking... pondering... contemplating...

in a world where all eyes are on you
and are judging you every day.
where they demand for superiority,
high excellence in every way.

the reality of the situation
was all too real for her.
the pressure was too much to take.
the hardships, too hard to endure.

but think, if you didn't strive,
didn't try to fly on top,
would you be able to survive?
be able to stand in the rough?

She shifted and laid on her side
not ready to stand just yet.
the peak, a while ago, seemed so close.
but falling pushed it out onto the sunset.

give her a few minutes... she'll stand...

...Lady Macbeth...

2005-06-25T09:29:00.000-07:00

Lingering around his ear, whispering
Avaricious thoughts, planting
Deadly ideas into his head.
You always get your way...

Maintain that feminine charm
As you plot your evil plans.
Crowned in jewels seemed only a dream
Before fate decided to stand.
Ease your way into his thoughts and
Taste that once unreachable dream.
Have what you want when you want it,
or only when so it seems...

...Macbeth...

2005-06-25T09:19:00.000-07:00

Make sense of all that is happening.
Do you see what you have done?
All these hatred and curses
On yourself you put upon.

Ambition made you into this.
Don't tell me you have forgotten.
Didn't it eat you up inside
And spoiled you inside rotten?

Carefully, you placed the dagger,
Right on top of his heart.
"With the King gone," you said
"I would finally play his part."

Before he awakes Macbeth.
One swift thrust...

"Everything will be better." you said

"Take this, and you shall be King."

How come after all the blood had spilled,
your better has yet been seen?

...again...

2005-06-25T09:15:00.000-07:00

Sea whispers gently my name.
The wind carries it on.
Though it has happened, it's not the same.
It's blow, it's voice, not that strong.

Mist of darkness swallows me
Down it's shallow pit.
Consuming me, invading me.
Free me, I'm not property.

But tomorrow the sun will rise
And the river will flow again.
And my true face, thru my disguise
Will shine, like my spirit within.

...lost waters...

2005-06-25T09:08:00.000-07:00

as i wake with morning's light,
the usual waves hath lost thy sight.
and dost i thought thy eyes deceive.
thy usual waves thought long concieved
in thy meddled mind.

hast, i have traveled from east to west
and only stopping in need of rest.
and by coincidence, i have always stopped
near thy beloved shores.

all this traveling might have stressed
my mind that thou had not been blessed,
that i have seen the tide go down
gently, without a sound.

and so i wait for it
to rise once more on it's feet.
and it's gentle waves to once more greet
my poor and carefree soul...

--sinking slowly--

2005-06-25T08:58:00.000-07:00

the light flickers through your eyes
as you sing your soul to me.
and i stand there while i try
to speak, but fail shamefully.

stay close as i breathe you in.
consuming every moment you're near.
coz i know you'll simply fade away,
leaving me alone down here.

and then you were gone
just like the sun
as it sinks down from the sky.
won't you try to break my fall?

wrapped up in words to hard to explain.
of an overwhelming feeling that you gave.
listen to the wind, it speaks your name
as i feel my yearning run through my veins.

i spread my wings and try to fly,
only to feel my own fall.
but then i see as i wait for you there
that i never even had you at all.

--stay tonight--

2005-06-25T08:52:00.000-07:00

play up your words
just to make me feel better.
you never did fail
to make me smile.

i danced with you once.
so close, i felt your heart beat.
and for a moment we're lost
in each other's eyes.

but we all know there's no forever.
and what we have will eventually die.
but it doesn't have to be right now
so could you please stay and hold me tonight?

you left a mark
so deep it's scar.
which makes it harder
to walk out that door.

can't tell you i won't
miss you like hell,
though i want you to know.
though i want you to know...

--pick me up--

2005-06-25T08:44:00.000-07:00

when night falls,
the darkness is so thick.
i try to find a way
back to your arms.

i see you,
and i want more.
waiting for that moment
you'll come knocking on my door.

it's silly of me to be here still.
here in the spot where you left me.
won't you pick me up, wipe my tears away?
won't you save me from this misery?

i can't help it if i wait for you,
i never did stop loving you.

i think of you again.
can't help it, i always do.
i try to divert my attention,
but it always comes back to you.

can i help it if it's your voice
that rings inside my head?
can i help it if i still look for
all the words unsaid?

...gone...

2005-06-25T08:42:00.000-07:00

Clock ticks slowly while you're gone.
Can't fight the tears that run slowly.
Still not over the fact that it's done
And I 'm slowly fading from your memory...

...sorta sexual, but not quite...

2005-06-25T08:28:00.000-07:00

i melt...
with your stare
with your eyes looking into me
stripping me and baring my soul,
while you're holding me close to you.

i melt..
when your lips touch mine.
the softness of your tongue
and the grip of your hands
holding me closer to you.

i melt...
every second you're hug me,
not wanting to let go.
nuzzled in your body
and holding me closer to you.

i melt...
as your fingers run through my skin,
as your lips explore my body,
and i can't open my eyes
as you hold me closer to you.

i melt...
and i cry for you
as my heart aches in many ways
unknowingly because of you
not holding me close to you.

i melt...
as you kiss my tears away.
hugging me tighter and tighter
and whispering you love me
and holding me close to you.

i melt...
as you lay me down,
kissing me as if you're scared
that you'll lose me, which is impossible
when you're holding me closer to you.

i'm melted...
as i lay beside you,
tracing your face as you sleep
with my lips, and smiling coz i know
you'll be holding me close to you.

--trauma--

2005-06-25T08:22:00.000-07:00

Chains of thought linked together.
In my mind, they're killing me.
Can't hold back the words I have made
So violently in my memory.

Unprotected from such pain,
What have I done to end up here?
Or am I just an innocent trapped
By my own blood and my own fear?

And I can't even see the light.
The memory is killing my mind.
All these wounds and pain inside
Screaming it's peace you need to find...

--song #5--

2005-06-01T08:09:00.000-07:00

how can i write a song for you
when your smile robs me of my words?
and your laugh leaves me speechless
though i doubt that you're aware of this...

and i watch you closely as you play
your guitar, strumming and humming away.
do you really have to be this great
and unconciously leave me in this hopeless state?

but keep on playing your guitar

and keep on singing that song

while i'm secretly swept off my feet

just don't mind me at all...

have yet to tell you you're amazing
not ready for you to know though
the longing trapped inside of me
and the torment that slowly grows.

i chew my pen, thinking
as you go through every chord
how close are you to finding out
your eyes simply leave me floored...

...wasted...

2005-06-01T07:58:00.000-07:00

you closed your eyes...
and you saw your life
it passed through your eyes
and you saw how wasted it was.

you closed your eyes...
and everything came back
all it's troubles and it's pains
and you saw how wasted it was.

you closed your eyes...

then the guilt started to kick in

and you regret all the wrong choices

that made this as wasted as it was.

you closed your eyes...
and it never opened again...

...censorship...

2005-06-01T07:49:00.000-07:00

Censor the fact that you like me
Even though it's true...
Never let your dingy
Self conquer diligent you...
Open yourself to find the
Real world you once left behind, to
See it's real beauty once it calms down...
How will you smile when you always frown?
If you hide from it, will you be able to see how
Perfect this world could sometimes be?

...inside...

2005-06-01T02:55:00.000-07:00

Conceal yourself from the real world,
All boxed up inside.
Feelings not meant to soon unfold,
And nothing make up could hide.

Plaster a smile on your lips,
And let the deception begin.
Before you know it, it slowly strips
Revealing the person within.